Twenty-four years ago, I found myself trapped in my first abusive relationship. For four long years, I endured physical, emotional, moral, and sexual abuse. When I finally escaped, I was three months pregnant and had to face the world alone. Despite leaving, I did not truly heal from the trauma, and years later, I found myself in yet another abusive relationship—this time, one marked by emotional manipulation that took me over a decade to escape.
Throughout these relationships, I was consumed by insecurity, pain, and the overwhelming belief that I had to sacrifice my well-being to make things work. The good moments were overshadowed by fear, guilt, and a sense of duty to endure the suffering. Deep down, I knew something was wrong, but I lacked the strength to leave. The fear of facing another failed relationship and the immense pressure to make it work kept me trapped.
In both instances, I left to survive—to save my life and that of my child. But leaving was only the first step. The real challenge was finding the strength to heal, especially when those around me couldn’t fully understand what I was going through.
I struggled with the shame of facing yet another failed relationship and the difficulty of deciding to leave.
My journey to healing began with gaining awareness. I realised that the healing process had to start from within. I needed to confront my emotional wounds and begin the hard work of self-care. It was a difficult process, looking inward and acknowledging the emotional fractures that needed mending. My dysfunctional life pushed me to seek answers, and through coaching, I gained the clarity to understand what was happening to me. This was the beginning of my healing process.
Today, I am at peace, but my healing journey continues. I’ve come to understand that I am responsible for what happens in my life, and I’ve taken control of my destiny. I know myself now, and I’ve learned to love who I am. My self-image has improved, and with it, my self-esteem.
If you are going through a similar situation, know that help is available. It’s not always possible to navigate this journey alone. Emotional confusion can be overwhelming, but there are specialists who understand what you’re going through and can help you find your way to healing. Invest in your recovery.
Now, as a mentor to women who have survived abusive relationships, I help them gain awareness of their situations and guide them on the path to emotional healing. My mission is to empower other women to reclaim their lives, just as I have reclaimed mine.
This is my story of overcoming, and I hope it inspires others to take that first step toward healing and self-empowerment.
Denise is an active participant in events and initiatives organised by Femme Incroyable in Angola. She leads workshops and gives talks within our community of women, sharing her experiences and insights on overcoming abusive relationships. Through these sessions, Denise provides invaluable guidance and inspiration, helping other women recognise their worth and find the strength to reclaim their lives. Her contributions are empowering countless women to break free from the cycle of abuse and build brighter futures for themselves and their families.
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